


All or Nothing

by DocBevCulver



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Complete, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-01-24
Packaged: 2018-01-09 22:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DocBevCulver/pseuds/DocBevCulver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JeanLuc and Beverly decided to finally reveal their feelings for each other. Edited January 2014 - to correct some grammar problems and story structure. No plot bunnies where harmed. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	All or Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters, I just claim the story.

********************************************************

Beverly stood her gaze directed to the stars that streamed by at warp 3, her thoughts on nothing more than her loneliness. She spoke softly, "Why have let my life become so empty? Why have I let myself become so isolated?" She sighed as she ran a shaky hand through her auburn hair, "Why did I let him slip from my grasp so long ago?"

She slammed her fist against the view port, "Why do I continue to let him slip away?" She laid her forehead against the cool surface.

The tears began to stream down her face. She turned to the bulkhead next to the view port and slid down to the floor, letting the sobs over-take her.

***********************************************

Jean-Luc stood outside her door, saying a silent prayer as he pressed the door chime with a shaky hand. 

He's trip to Ba'Ku had been cut short, due to his lack of interest in the planet now that the immediate threat was over. He really thought he had feelings for Anij, but she had helped him to see the error of his ways. 

**************************************

They sat on the small blanket, gazing at the stars. They sat there for several moments, enjoying the silence, when she had turned to him and asked him a simple question. "Have you ever loved someone so much, that it hurt to be in their life, yet, never really there?"

Jean-Luc nodded his head, "Yes."

Anij looked to him, "Was it someone that you see on a daily basis?"

He nodded once again.

"Do you still love her?"

Jean-Luc turned his hazel eyes to her, "Yes. I still love her. I always will, but it can never be."

"Why?"

Jean-Luc dropped his chin to his chest, averting his eyes, "Because we have let too much come between us. We have let what we had slip from our fingers." He sighed, "We have hurt one another far too much to repair the damage now."

"Why?" 

A single tear dropped from his eye, "I really don't know."

Anij took his hand, "Have you told her that you still feel the same?"

Jean-Luc wiped the tear from his cheek, "No."

"What is stopping you from doing that?" 

"I really don't know."

Anij squeezed his hand gently, "Why don't you go to her now. Tell her that you still feel this way. That you want to change things."

Jean-Luc brow creased, "Why are you doing this?"

Anij shrugged, a small smile gracing her face, "Maybe I just needed a sounding board." She placed her hand upon his right cheek and placed a small kiss on his left, "You are not the only one cursed with a love that you feel is forever out of reach."

Jean-Luc smiled, "I understand."

He left the next day to return to the Enterprise and to finish what he had started over 30 years ago.

*************

Now he stood outside of Beverly's cabin and was receiving no response from the door chime. He called to the computer, "Location of Doctor Crusher?"

 

Growing concerned, he used his over-ride command and entered her quarters. The only illumination from the stars that streaked by the view port.

He started to call for the lights, when he spotted her form on the floor directly next to the view port. 

He rushed to her side, "Beverly, are you all right?"

She snubbed and tried to speak, "I'm...fine...Jean...Luc..."

"Have you been crying?"

"Yes."

He pulled her to him, holding her tightly against his chest. He began to rub her back in small circles. Kissing the top of her head, "Would you like to tell me about it?"

Beverly just shook her head.

"Please, tell me...let me help you."

She squeezed him tightly, "Just hold me."

They sat on the floor for what seemed like hours, just holding each other tightly, until they both feel to an exhausted sleep.

*******************************************************

 

Beverly began to stir, groaning with the effort as her muscles protested. Her un-natural sleeping position on the floor and caused them to become tight and sore. She felt his arms tighten around her, in a protective jester. She smiled, hoping this feeling would never go away. Feeling safe and secure, she nuzzled her face into his chest, seeking a more comfortable position.

"Are you comfortable?" Jean-Luc asked, his eyes never opening.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you." She looked up to see his face; his smile was warm and made the feeling of safety grow within her. "But it's rather uncomfortable on this floor."

Jean-Luc moved slightly and his face showed his discomfort, "I'll have to agree with you. Maybe we should find another, more comfortable place to sit or sleep for that matter."

Beverly laughed, "I'll second that."

Jean-Luc released his grip as Beverly began to rise. Once she was on her feet, she held her hand out to him, "Care for a helping hand?"

He shook his head, "No, I think I can manage." With a few stretches, he then began to rise.

"Very well," Beverly headed for the couch; she took her normal corner, and pulled her legs to her chest. 

Jean-Luc recognized the movement and thought he'd better ask the question again before she shut him out, "Beverly?" When she raised her gaze and he knew he had her attention, he continued, his face growing solemn with each word, "What happened last night? Why were you crying?"

Beverly lowered her gaze, "Nothing really. I'd been working too hard and it finally caught up with me last night."

Jean-Luc took the spot directly beside her on the couch. Placing his hand on her chin, he lifted her head slowly, "Are you telling me the truth?"

Beverly smiled weakly, "Yes." Then her brow creased when it suddenly hit her, "Wait a minute."

"What?"

"What are you doing back so early?" She eyed him carefully.

"I decided to cut my vacation short." He reached for her hand and squeezed it gently, "Besides, I was beginning to miss the Enterprise."

'And you.' He thought as she smiled.

"I see, you thought we couldn't handle things here without you?"

He raised a hand, shaking his head slowly. "No, I know you all are very capable crew. I just missed the day-to-day activities."

Beverly's thoughts began to take over, 'What happened to cause him to come back so early.'

**********************************************************

 

Beverly smiled contently as she felt strong arms wrap around her when she moved. 'Why did we let things go for so long?' She thought as she placed her arms on top of Jean-Luc's, squeezing them gently.

She lay there for several minutes, staring at the chronometer beside her bed. Listening to his slow breathing, feeling his heart beat against her back. As she continued to stare, she realized that the time was approaching for her shift in sickbay. She snuggled closer enjoying the warmth of his body pressed to hers for a few minutes longer, when Jean-Luc began to mumble something in his sleep. 

She strained to hear what he was saying when he moaned a few times and the sounds remind her of the events that had transpired just a few hours before. A few words became clear and they were not what she expected, "Anij...thank you."

Beverly's mouth dropped, 'How dare him. He's thinking about her while he's holding me.' She huffed, prying his arms from around her and sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling the blanket around her body.

At the sudden loss of heat, Jean-Luc's eyes fluttered open, "Beverly?"

"Don't Beverly me." 

Jean-Luc rubbed his eyes, his confusion growing at the venom coming from her words, "Beverly, what's wrong?"

"How dare you think of her, while you lie in my bed," Beverly spoke, as she stood and began to pace the room, pulling the blanket tighter around her body. 

Jean-Luc laughed, "Beverly, what are you talking about?"

Beverly spun, pointing a finger at him, her eyes blazing, "You said Anij's name just a few minutes ago. I just can't believe that you could even *think* of her after the night we just spent together." 

Jean-Luc's laughter, caused her anger to grow, "How you can laugh about that. It's insulting."

Jean-Luc rose upon one elbow, extending his hand to her, "Come back to bed, Beverly."

"No." Her mind began to churn with ideas, "Did you come back early from your *vacation* because things didn't turn out the way you planned with Anij?" She threw her hands into the air, "Maybe all of this was because she turned you down and you thought I'll give Beverly another try."

Jean-Luc's face fell at her words, "Why would you think that, Beverly."

"I don't know, maybe it was the way you spoke her name, or the moaning beforehand. Maybe it's just the fact that it wasn't my name you spoke."

Jean-Luc sat up in the bed, gathering the sheet around his waist, "Beverly, it was only a dream. A man cannot be held..."

"For what his mind does, yeah, I've heard that before," Beverly spat. "It's a bunch of bull, Jean-Luc."

When she turned to walk from the bedroom, Jean-Luc called out, "The only reason Anij would even be mentioned is because she reminded me of what I had here and what I was letting slip away from me." When she turned he continued, his eyes filling with tears, "You, Beverly. You are the reason I came back, because I realized, I still love you and that I only want you. Anij simply gave me the kick in the ass to get me back here to you."

Beverly's eyes began to brim with tears, for the token of love he had just given her. She stood in the doorway for a few minutes, numb and feeling ashamed for her outburst. She walked slowly towards the bed and sat down carefully. Removing her hands from the tight hold on the blanket, she placed them on each side of his face, "I'm so sorry. I was being a real jerk." She laughed, "And if you can't tell, I'm an extremely jealous lover of anyone that takes my place in your life. Real, imagined, or just simply in your dreams." Leaning in, she kissed him fully on the lips, feeling her tears mingle with his. 

Breaking the kiss, she spoke, "I love you, Jean-Luc Picard and I don't want to miss any more moments. I've wasted too much time, and I don't want to any more. Forgive me?"

Jean-Luc smiled, placing his hand on her cheek, stroking it softly, "Yes, I forgive you. I think I can live with your jealousy, as long as I never lose you. I love you."

He leaned forward, pulling her towards him. He kissed her deeply and the morning shifts where forgotten once again, as they made up for lost moments and their fight.

***********************************************

One week later...

The senior staff where the first to notice the little changes, such as, the Captain's hand lingering just a little longer on the CMO's hand on the table at meetings. The fact that both showed up to the poker game together, laughing and carrying-on together, until the looks would stop them dead in their tracks. But the first thing was the smiles that brightened their commanding officer's face were the true indication that things had changed. 

The entire crew was happy that things had finally changed for the better and that the couple were finally together after all these years, but none where happier the couple themselves.

Jean-Luc took the time that he normally spent in his ready room, with Beverly and vice versa. They didn't want to miss a minute of time together. 

************************************************

Two weeks later....

"So, where are we going?" Beverly asked.

Jean-Luc smiled, "I think we need to see a friend and thank her."

"Ba'Ku?" Beverly asked wrapping her arms around just below his neck from behind.

He chuckled, placing his hand over her crossed arms and squeezed gently, "Yes, I think Anij needs to see that we have taken that final step."

Beverly placed a light kiss on the tip of his ear and whispered softly, "I totally agree." She released her hold and moved to the co-pilot chair beside him. "I think she would like that," she smiled, "I know I'd like to spend just a little time on the planet."

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted October 2000
> 
> Edited January 24, 2014


End file.
